Finally.

After poring through quote sites, quote books, and quotes on the wall in my local Peek…Aren’t You Curious store (which has some real good ones, let me tell ya), the perfect quote to be painted onto my office wall just sort of showed up today.

Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.
–Proverb

Could you die?

A biggest lesson here for me is that I’ve got to stop searching for intangible stuff in general and instead simply train myself to trust that it will “appear” when I’m ready to receive it. Kind of the way money just “appeared” in my son’s room this morning.

Seriously, I asked George, “Did you steal that money from Henry?” and he responded, “No, I did NOT steal it. It just appeared!”

Okay, so not exactly the same thing. But work with me.

Anyone who knows me knows I can get tense. Sometimes, the tension builds up to the point where I think it would be most cathartic to go into a sound-proof room and scream. Except that we don’t have a sound-proof room in this house. Trust me.

But upon a bit of deep self-reflection on this fine, again-cloudy day in Arizona, I realize that I’m tense when I’m engaged in an otherwise enjoyable activity — but with my mind set on getting something I think I should have or should be — a compelling writer (on a deadline), a decent knitter who can complete one. simple. sweater. before her 2-year-old is 27, or an inventor who thinks her product should be carried by Giggle. (It really should. Ali, are you out there?)

But when I’m creating a poem just for me (and there’s a reason they’re just for me; a poet I am most certainly not — just ask my son Henry), or writing an unplanned letter to one of my kids, or knitting a tea-cozy for a teapot that won’t change in size, or thinking up new product ideas for the fun of it, I’m not tense at all. Because I’m just being me. And while some might find the activities I enjoy most less-than-exciting, in my world they are what make me smile from my pores.

So I shall now pay more attention to my “tense” moments (I’m having one now, by the way). Not because what I’m doing when I get tense isn’t worthwhile — but because the way I’m going about it isn’t exactly right. It’s become about poring through quote sites instead of just doing what I love to do, and trusting that the right quote will come at the right time.

Because it will.

And it did.

*Photo courtesy of Martin Peters