I recently received a text from a friend asking if I’d read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Read it? No. Passed it by while trailing the 3-year-old on her way to “MY SECTION MY SECTION,” and professed, “Great cover. Great title. Must read?” Only 734 times.

“You’ve got to read it,” said-slash-texted Kelly. “It’s that good.”

I later learned she was only 14 3/4 pages in when she made that declaration, but clearly it was a great first 14 pages.

So I downloaded it to the still fairly new (to me anyway) iPhone. Without which I’m not even sure how I lived. And I’m taking quite a few fairly life-altering lessons from it:

Chapter 1: Lessons from January (a.k.a. Clutter Sucks)

- Purging is the new crack. (Related: I’ll never understand hoarders.)

- I’m sure it’s healthier to go to bed early and without watching TV, but it’s not gonna happen here. I source all happiness from Everybody Loves Raymond reruns and Happy Endings premieres.

- Per the above, I’m going to be tired. But it’s okay because Starbucks is my friend.

- I understand that one’s room should be pitch black for best sleep. If I make my room pitch dark, I won’t ever get out of bed. I know this because whenever I stay in hotels, I get up around, oh, 2:00.

- I will, however, redirect (and possibly cover) my alarm clock. Because of two words: electromagnetic field.

- I like the idea of intrinsic motivation. It will not, however, work on my children. It just won’t.

- I need to know the name of the 20-minute, no-sweat exercise regimen of which Gretchen speaks. More importantly, where I can find a local expert in this approach? Like, today.

- I have a problem with both nostalgic clutter and aspirational clutter. But I did just sell my sewing machine, so maybe I’m moving in the right direction?

Next up: Lessons from February (a.k.a. The Marriage Chapter, which begins with the bullet point “Stop Nagging.” I’m already concerned.)