From what prestigious university did you acquire your degree in creative writing?
If you can believe it (and even if you can’t), my undergraduate degree is in Japanese. No, it’s not useful. At all. At the ripe age of 18, I wished to pursue a degree in Journalism. But the esteemed Communications School at Ohio University denied my request for admission. It was quite confusing at the time, as I was sure I was destined to graduate from the same program as Matt Lauer. Those in charge did not agree. Officially, Japanese was my 13th declared major at THE Ohio State University. Let’s be clear; Ohio University and I didn’t get off to a good start. I stopped at Japanese because I thought it was pretty cool. Also, I was truly scared to inform my guidance counselor that I’d changed my mind…again.
For how long have you been writing and inventing things?
I began writing books at age 6. According to my parents, I invented my first game at age 3 (which I spontaneously named Jakbat). The rules of Jakbat were simple: they morphed as necessary to ensure I was always winning and the game had no end. I still enjoy playing it today.
Are you, like, a celebrity?
No. And if you ask my kids that question they’ll confirm, “What? Uh, No!” based purely on the fact that I don’t know Joe Jonas or Justin Bieber. But my dog Humphrey thinks I walk on water. Which is why he’s still around because, trust me, potty training isn’t a skill he intends to master in this lifetime. The other day, George (who’s five) asked, “Mom, will you play Uno Attack with me? Oh wait, you have to talk to Oprah first.” Jack (who’s eight) responded, “She’s not talking to Oprah. She’s having lunch with her.” I opened my mouth to correct him—but then thought better of it. Yes, I’m okay with that.
What most inspires you?
Anyone who is innately gifted, true to him- or herself, undiscovered, and gives me goosebumps while simultaneously making the jaw of the world drop. Think Crystal Bowersox, Barbara Padilla, and Matt Harding.
What is that disgusting green liquid you’re drinking?
Ah, yes. It is one of two things: either a concoction of freshly juiced romaine, kale, beets, apples, and lemons (don’t knock it ’til you try it) or a Starbucks soy green tea latte (ditto the suggestion in the previous set of parentheses).
Do you really have 5 kids?
I think so.
Do you want to know what part of parenting you’re totally screwing up?
I really don’t.
What’s your favorite saying?
I have many. In no particular order, here is a sampling:
I most often find that happiness is right where I planted it
Faith is believing that one of two things will happen. That there will be something solid for you to stand on—or that you will be taught how to fly
Most obstacles melt away when we make up our minds to walk boldly through them — Orison Swett Marden
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense —Buddha
The shell must break before the bird can fly —Tennyson
How about never? Does never work for you? —New Yorker cartoon caption
Have you ever coined your own saying instead of simply adopting those of others?
Yes I have. It is thus:
Intuition is that moment when your human head and spiritual head are in agreement
Very deep, yes?
You seem to be fond of analogies. What’s your favorite?
That’s hard to answer. I mean, think of it this way: if you have 3 kids, or 4 kids, (or 5 kids), and someone asks you which one is your favorite, you’d probably find yourself equally hard-pressed to answer. Unless one of them suddenly yells from upstairs, “Mom, how do you get marker out of carpet?” Then you’d at least know that particular kid is out of the running.
What is your worst habit?
Hm. I’d have to say it’s that I pace. A lot. I can’t think clearly unless I’m pacing. Which is why I don’t think much while driving.
When do you sleep?
Unlike Bruce Stockler, not at red lights. But I love sleep, and on the necessity of it in my life I will not negotiate. I require at least 8 hours per night. Without them, I’m no fun at all.
What do your kids think about your career?
Please hold while I ask them.
Grace: “My mom’s nice. Also a bit weird.”
Jack: “She’s kind of funny. I guess.”
Henry: “You wrote a book? Like Diary of a Wimpy Kid?”
George: “I’ll say you’re great…if I can have a piece of gum!”
Nina: Nina is too busy screaming for someone to press Play on her Ethiopian DVD (again) to respond.