A few weeks ago, I was in Target (alone, which means I was there for 6, maybe 7, hours), and I ventured into the book section. I thought it might be good to get Henry a book to read in the car, as we were planning to head out on vacation the following Saturday, and it typically takes Henry about 4.3 minutes to declare his imminent death from boredom.

I spied a few books from one of Henry’s favorite series: Captain Underpants, and one of those books specifically I didn’t think Henry had yet read. Because I’m quite sure I would have heard about it.

It’s called Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopy Pants? Now you know why I would have heard about that.

I decided to verify my suspicions before purchasing.

Not terribly wise.

David answered his cell phone whilst attempting to escort 5 kids out of the pool area from swim team practice.

I asked David to put Henry on the phone (no, I don’t know why).

“Henry,” I whispered as quietly as possible, “Have you read Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopy Pants?

“What?”

I repeated myself a tiny bit louder.

“What?” answered Henry, a tiny bit louder.

I finally thought, “Oh what the hell.”

“HENRY! HAVE YOU READ CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS AND THE PERILOUS PLOT OF PROFESSOR POOPY PANTS?” I shouted.

“Oh my gosh guys, listen to this, Mom’s wondering if I’ve read this book and you’ll never guess what it’s called and…,” he trailed off.

“Henry, are you there?” I calmly asked while being eyed suspiciously by no fewer than 8 fellow bookstore section shoppers.

“Henry?”

“Hello?”

I bought the book (and yes, I’m aware that I should have just taken that approach from the start. Lesson learned.). Sadly, he started it the morning we were to leave for our trip, and finished it just as we said, “Let’s get in the car!”

And after no more than 4.3 minutes, we were subjected to 9 hours of Henry forecasting his imminent death from boredom.

***

So, which is worse in your mind? Captain Underpants or SpongeBob?